rationalwiccan

I finally figured out a username that isn't so ... specific. Finally. Go me. I am now eelsalad. Go me.

This week's Witches Weekly.

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It's strange that one can simultaneously feel overwhelmed by activity and like a total slacker. I have been so busy the last few weeks, so stressed out by a wide variety of things that I feel I'm about to go mad... and yet I feel like a terrible slacker when I look at how long it's been since I wrote here.

Sheesh.

( Long, rambling entry cut to spare friendslists )

This post in nonfluffypagans has gotten me thinking about gods.

( Cut for long musings )

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I updated. I've been working on and thinking about my spirituality quite a bit lately, but all offline.

I'm reading Diane Sylvan's _The Circle Within_ and it's utterly involving and fascinating. I love this book! She is right on the mark for me in a great many ways. I'm doing the exercises and trying to follow her guidelines to really set my spirituality and beliefs down.

One interesting exercise I'm working on is coming up with my own list of virtues. Her list, which I unfortunately do not have in front of me, is something like:

Love
Integrity
Humor
Compassion
Wisdom
Growth

I like all of those. I think I would add Responsibility (which may be one of hers already; I wish I had the book here! Drat! But I didn't want to put off making this post because I realized how long I've been quiet) and Assistance or something similar. I am a firm believer that those of us with plenty have a responsibility to give to those who are in need. Not in the giving-change-to-the-homeless kind of way, but in a meaningful way that achieves longer-term change. I am, for example, thinking about sponsoring a woman through Women for Women International, which educates and assists women in war-torn countries to rebuild their lives and start small businesses.

I'm trying to get back into daily meditation practice and have decided to invest in a zafu and zabuton (meditation cushions used in Buddhist practice) so I won't have to sit on the edge of my bed to meditate. I am thinking of ways to reorganize my room a bit to make space for a larger altar I can meditate in front of rather than my small, bookshelf-top shrine.

One thing I've noticed: the more time I spend thinking about spiritual things, the more I notice little wonders around me - the shape of an apple, the moon in the clouds, a wild heron in a local creek. Everything is so beautiful.

Finished reading _The Pagan Book of Living and Dying_ last night and was really blown away. It's an amazing book. Makes me very thoughtful. I can't help wondering where exactly I'm headed when it comes to my spiritual path. I don't really see myself joining or starting a coven - religion is too personal an experience for me. But the information in there about ministering to the dying and the bereaved really struck home for me. Doubly so when I consider that I'm going to be officiating a wedding this coming fall.

I could definitely see myself as a shaman of sorts. Someone people come to when they need help/advice or a spiritual officiant. I don't see myself as an authority on anything, mind you, but I'm aware that I do a lot more reading/thinking on spiritual subjects than your average person, and it hasn't escaped my notice that people come to me for advice and officiation already. Studying and accepting my status as a resource for friends and family would help me to better serve those who come to me for aid. I've always felt a drive to help people, especially those I love and care for.

Digression: Not panhandlers, mind you - I have some very firm opinions on that subject because an alcoholic relative of mine used to panhandle for booze money before he went on the wagon and the stories I've heard from him confirmed my suspicious that the average panhandler is not helped by handouts.

Anyway. I don't really want a position of power. I don't want to be a leader. I know I'm competent as a leader but my own perfectionism and fear of letting people down haunts my steps and makes me paranoid when I'm leading an important project of any sort, let alone a spiritual endeavor.

Wow, I'm rambling. I guess I'll sum up by saying: _The Pagan Book of Living and Dying_ is an awesome text and I highly recommend it. Also, if anybody has experience with being called to service as a priestess/priest/shaman/whatever, I'd love to hear your experiences. I'm not entirely sure where my train of thought here is leading me.

I've been very introspective lately. It's partly the time of year - winter and early spring are usually times of introspection for me, and as spring reaches its peak, I begin reaching out to put my introspection into action.

One thing I've been coming back to again and again is the idea of finding or starting a group for solitary pagans in my area. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but there are things I can get from a group that I can't get on my own. Community. Social interaction. Advice. Plus, with a group, we'd be able to do charity work, something I think is too often missing from my life.

This is where things get tricky. I am really, really busy. Really busy. I'm also a bit on the shy side at times. Even so, it seems like something I feel really called to do. I guess the first step is to go looking for an existing group in case there's one out there. I don't want a group that does big public rituals, I want a group that gets together once a month or so to chat and plan canned food drives or whatever.

In other news, I've finally managed to make a set of prayer beads for myself. I'm not 100% happy with it - it's too small to go over my head and too big to wear around my wrist, so there's no good way to carry it except in my pocket (which is hard on the beads). I'm pondering ideas for that. Here's a photo:

I have a lot on my mind lately and it's difficult to crystallize it into something to put into words here.

I've been reading One Robe, One Bowl a great deal and pondering some of the questions it raises in me. What does it mean that I don't display any physical sign of my religious path? Could I handle the life of a nun, in any faith? Would I want to? Definitely something to examine at more length.

In addition, I've been pondering my username... again. Oy. I really should've just chosen a name rather than a descriptor. I've been using this LJusername both here and in gmail for less than a year, so it's not as though changing it will be a huge deal, but I'm still hesitant. Of course, it seems like I have very, very few readers (and so far only one email correspondent), so maybe it wouldn't be that huge a deal. Any comments?

What type of symbology do you associate with this time of year? (Imbolc for those that celebrate it) Do you do anything special around your home and sacred space?

Candles candles candles! In fact, I am making candles as my Imbolc celebration this year - melting all the left over wax I have from candle stubs, partially-used candles, and whatnot. I even managed to scrounge up some wax from friends and family who use candles. I'm making jar candles - I save jam and jelly jars (and any other wide-mouthed jar) and wash them out and use them. I also bought a few smallish glasses at a local thrift store to see how they work. They're prettier than jam jars, I'll tell you that much already.

To me, Imbolc is the time when the Lady is a young woman. I've always liked the St. Lucia imagery - a young woman with a crown of candles. Yule was the young Lord's day, his time of rebirth. This is the time when the Lady re-emerges, renewed after her struggles during the winter. Her fertility is just beginning to stir - of course, here in California things grow all year, but not as well during the winter as the summer, and this is the time of year when they begin to perk up again.

I bought a crystal ball last week. It's small - probably about two inches across at most - and it has lots of flaws. When you turn it in the light, you can see all the striations of the crystal. But it's amazing! The gal who sold it to me commented that although it had a lot of flaws it had an interesting personality, and I can see what she was trying to say. When I held it, I was struck by the energy in it. I cleansed and blessed it when I got it home and I can't wait to use it in ritual and for scrying. I need to do some reading on uses for crystal spheres.

Anybody know any good resources for learning about using crystals?

Catching up, gah.

What is your definition of the divine, if you believe in divinity at all? (Do you adhere to a god/goddess, one spirit, many deities, etc)
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What do you think is the greatest obstacle of your spiritual growth, and how can you overcome it?
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Witches Weekly.

A Book Review

What book do you feel provided you with some of the most useful information towards your spiritual path? Describe what information you found to be the most important.

Wow, that's an interesting question. I'm not sure I can name a single book that's been most useful. The Wiccan Way by Rae Beth is wonderful, and Scott Cunningham's books have been enjoyable and got me started on the path (although I find now that I seem to have grown beyond them). I tend to like books that give me ideas rather than dogma, with lots of information. Straightforward info presented in an easy-to-reference fashion is my preference.

Witches Weekly - better late than never!

Pick a spiritual practice (be it public ritual, meditation, solitary ritual, attunement, cleansing, etc), and display an outline of the typical steps you go through from start to finish.

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I celebrated the winter solstice this morning with a very simple ritual since things are os crazy this time of year and I won't be able to do anything big.

I got up before dawn and showered, then dressed warmly and took some supplies outside. I burned incense to welcome the sun and watched the sky change as the sun rose in the east. I couldn't see the sun itself, sadly, since our back yard has too many trees to the east, but I could see the clouds. They were beautiful!

When I was sure the sun was up, I lit a tealight in my small cauldron in honor of the reborn Sun God and said a quiet prayer welcoming him back and asking for healing for the world and for myself, and for myself to be more aware of him and the Goddess in everyday life. I let the incense burn out, then took everything back inside. I kept the cauldron near me as I ate breakfast and started working from home, and let the tea light burn itself out.

Short, simple, and very effective. I have rarely felt as close to the God as I did this morning. I want to know him better, and this was a good start.

Two things are itching at me.

1) I really ought to change my LJ username. Preferably to something which is not terribly indicative of ANYTHING so that it won't bug me the way that "rationalwiccan" now does (what with the whole I'm-not-technically-an-initiated-Wiccan issue).

2) I really want to make a set of really nice prayer beads, with semi-precious stones. I've actually figured out what stones I want to use and even got an order set up with a bead company... but the stones are ridiculously expensive. Seriously.

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Good grief, has it really been a month since I updated?

*sigh*

My fibromyalgia is running me down pretty badly the last few weeks, and while I do have it under control I also don't have a ton of extra energy and haven't been reading/studying/thinking about religion much except to ponder whether or not to ask for Spellcraft for the Hedge Witch, Lamp of the Goddess, and The Hedge Witch's Way for Yule. (I have her first book, The Wiccan Path and LOVE it).

Bah. I'll figure it out.

Man, I have this list of things I've been meaning to update about but just not gotten around to covering. Things have been kind of crazy for me lately, for a number of reasons. For one, I have a final, real diagnosis of fibromyalgia. Bleah.

Anyway, on to the roundup:

( Awesome article )

( Organizing the Pagans )

( Questionnaire )

Diluting Wicca by Enyo Perseus is a very interesting essay. I think Enyo makes some very good points about the potential damage done by both Scott Cunningham (whose books I must confess I adore) and Silver Ravenwolf.

I've been pondering the issue of what to call my spiritual practice off and on for a while now. I'm not all that fond of dogma or set liturgy (or ritual nudity), so traditional Wicca holds little appeal for me. One of the things I really love about Cunningham's books is his insistance on doing your own research and figuring out what works for you. I wonder if maybe he was hoping to break Wicca free from the oathbound, initiatory religion he started out in? That's a pretty hefty change to try and make, though.

Good stuff to ponder.

There are a bunch of other good essays on that website as well, and I highly recommend it.

I redid my altar today, in part because I am spending a lot more time meditating than I used to and in part because I was getting tired of the old look. It used a lot of mini candles and was a bit claustrophobic.

It's on top of a bookcase in my bedroom. Not a lot of room for working, but it's an every-day altar, not a sabbat altar. If you click through to look at the photo in my brand-new Flickr account, you can see little annotations about the items on the altar itself. Flickr is awesome.

Sorry I haven't been posting much. I'm dealing with some health issues that are tying up just about all my mental energy right now.

Anybody know any good spells for self-healing?

Anyway, here's this week's Witches Weekly.

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